Top Ten Proposed New Baseball Rules

10. New rule: catch a foul ball, win the salary of the guy who hit it.

9. All players must squat like the catcher for the entire game.

8. Remember Babe Ruth? Well, how about some more of them ball-playin' fat dudes?

7. Instead of the national anthem, sing "In-A- Gadda-Da-Vida" before every game.

6. Players can't do drugs unless they bring enough to go around.

5. At the end of bat night, fans get to beat the crap out of the home team.

4. For just three dollars over the regular ticket price, you get to "do it" with the Philly Phanatic.

3. Every time a player grabs himself you hear a slide whistle.

2. Buy a ticket to a Mets game get a free ticket to a Mets trial!

1. Nine players, eight uniforms.

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