Guide to the Bases: Old and New

What "getting to first base, second base," etc., used to mean:-

First Base: This was almost always kissing, although some guys thought it meant just holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and sometimes not.

Second Base: This meant either tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside-the-clothes genital contact.

Third Base: Usually this was a hand-down-the-pants move.

Home Run: This was always sex, although it was rarely reached in the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

What "getting to base" means today:-

On Deck: Having plans for a date.

Strike Out: Duh!

Walk: Kissing.

Bunt: Masturbation.

Single: Tongue kissing.

Double: Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing and feels.

Triple: Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation.

Inside-the-park home run: Oral sex.

Home Run: Sex!

Ground Rule Double: Would have sex, but no condom.

Error: Condom breaks during sex.

Banned for life for gambling: Sex without a condom.

Hall of Fame: Marriage.

New Terms:

Balk: Premature ejaculation. Pine Tar: KYjelly. Relief Pitcher: Vibrator.

Rain Delay: Parents/roommate return home unexpectedly.

Box Seats: Water bed.

Seventh Inning Stretch: Unusual positions.

Dead Ball: Blue balls/passion cramps.

Rookie: Virgin.

Minor Leagues: Under 18.

Loaded Bases: Menage a trois.

Grand Slam: Sex three times in twelve hours.

Foul tip: Venereal disease.

Three up and three down: Impotency.

Batting Glove: Sexual aide.

Comparing the play-by-plays:

Old Way: "We, um, got to third base, I guess, and then we, um, got past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her."

New Way A: "First, there was a triple; then we got an inside-the-park home run, and started thinking, It's Hall of Fame time."

New Way B: "So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and had to call in a relief."

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