Top Ten Things That Will Get You Suspended by Major League Baseball

10. Secretly switching the Gatorade with the urine samples.

9. Inviting some guys you met at the port authority to come shower with the team.

8. Using Diamondvision to give the entire crowd the finger.

7. Having a batting average lower than your blood alcohol level.

6. You've used too much pine tar and it ain't on your bat.

5. For the last several innings you've played short-stop in a delightful cocktail dress.

4. During the "Star Spangled Banner," you do a slow, seductive striptease.

3. Wearing your cup outside your pants.

2. "Hitting for the cycle" with the umpire's wife.

1. Corking yourself.

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