Top Ten Proposed New Baseball Rules

10. Clothing optional in dugouts.

9. Infield chatter must be in the form of a question.

8. Knock out the beer vendor with a ball and you automatically win the game.

7. Extra outs for every person on your team named "Mookie," "Scooter," or "Pee Wee."

6. Games will not start until the players' drugs have kicked in.

5. No more keeping your eye on the ball.

4. Good-bye Gatorade, hello Riunite.

3. If the catcher snags your pop foul, he gets to make out with your wife in the stands for a while.

2. No team roster may include more than two dismissed Simpson jurors.

1. Reach a base. Do a shot.

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