Roberto Alomar's Top Twenty-Two Excuses For Spitting on an Umpire

22. Batting gloves made it difficult to unzip fly quickly.

21. Wasn't crazy about the tone in his voice when he said "Play Ball."

20. No place to keep a hanky in these tight pants.

19. When he said, "I double dare ya," I just had to.

18. Looked more macho than drooling down chin.

17. Incorrect assumption that he was on fire.

16. Tired of hearing brother Sandy tell Albert Belle stories all the time....

15. Sealing a pact when he backed out at the last second.

14. Thought EVERYBODY got off on that sort of thing.

13. Merely whining about the bad call seemed so...unprofessional.

12. Simulating a rain delay.

11. Wanted to see if it would sizzle on his forehead.

10. Thought a "snot rocket" might be too demeaning.

9. Spit Happens.

8. Rodman has just made the whole head-butting thing so cliche...

7. Throat and mouth all goopy from the cocaine.

6. Driving need to impress Marge Schott.

5. Spit actually came from mysterious person standing on grassy knoll.

4. Belief that baseball is bringing back too many fans, too fast.

3. Felt pigeon-holed by "Respected, well liked player" rap that's followed him.

2. His mom wasn't there for me to spit on.

1. Mistook him for a disadvantaged crippled child who might have wanted his autograph.

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