John Rocker one liners

Rocker: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Rocker: I just did, you stupid bastard!

Doctor to John Rocker: Sorry, pal, but you've got a terminal illness.

Rocker: You mean I'll get sick at the airport?

Note left on John Rocker's locker: 'If you just put in a little more effort, I think you can bring something really special to the team. Maybe ketchup."

Message to Rocker from his doctor: 'The thing is, genetic engineering is just going to be too late in your case."

E-mail to Rocker from a New Yorker: "I guess when they were handing out stupidity, you offered to pay for it."

Comment from a woman in a bar sitting next to John Rocker:

"I love that cute thing you do with your mouth: when you keep it shut."

Q: How many members of John Rocker's family does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: A thousand and one. One to hold the bulb and the other 1,000 to spin the house.

Q: Why did Rocker sell his water skis?

A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if John Rocker is there?

A: He's the one with a duck.

Q: How do you know if Pete Rose is there?

A: He bets on the duck.

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